Your enjoyment begins me pain and unwelcome memories. There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t think of what you done to me.
I often think about the signs that you gave off before it happened
The friendly touch, look, voice.
The friendly act towards me and my work,
The shoulder to cry on
Some I could turn to as a nice teacher.
Writing this is killing me but I have to get it out I can feel the prickles in my eyes, tears wanting to fall from my eyes.
You want to know something else I can’t stand people wearing them flat caps (like golf hats) because you wore one and I remember when you took me to try it on I HATE them!! If its not that then is powered milk because you always had it in your coffee with two sugars…remember I had to make you coffee a lot in your classroom. Fish is another thing I can’t stand I not sure exactly why but when I think of fish I think of the day I met you wore a tie which was done like a fish since you done it to me I can’t go near fish it make me want to be sick.
You know something else to I still have nightmare of you and what you did not just to me but them other girls! I dream you will come after me and my family I dream that I took you to court but you got away with it because you’re a teacher like you did when my mum complain to the headmaster about you.
The thing I most hate I think is that you took the girl I was away from me, I was bubble, trusting, funny outgoing etc I wasn’t scared or worried about things that sound silly to many. I think about what if I was still that girl what would I have done now who would I be, In some ways I like myself as I am because of what I have done but it other ways I hate it because you choose to take the little girl from me!! She was mine not yours!
You made me hate the things I loved I’m scared of school now I can’t go in one do you know how hard that was? And is how do you think that will affect me in years to come?
I get the point where I’m so angry with you as what you choose to do to me destroyed me, thanks to you no one will every know the real Amy!! The girl I want back but you took apart of her away and now means the other can’t come out!!!
I hate people knowing how I feel so I try and hide it until I get to the point where I can’t take it no more!!! I cut or I go to somewhere by my self a gentle cry so no one knows I am, sometimes I don’t know what i’m crying for or about.I feel like I am spilt in two I want to have a future but I don’t want you to be part of it because every time I move on I get knocked straight back down to who I am now.
Some days I wish I got an other person to go in the room that day as my life wouldn’t have changed for the worse, but then I realise that horrible to say because it would of destroyed them.
I used to think about the day you got caught for something like this but I thought you’d get a bit more time but because of all the case against you were never really bought to anything you only got 36moths for child porn and grooming on the chat rooms a 15-17 year old boy making girls do things for you on webcam!
When you were sentenced last year it was13th April and 1.35 I was sitting working at the table when the local news came on and they showed a picture of you on there and said you got 32months I didn’t know whether to cry or smile.
I guess you laughed as you already spent 8months of it on remand and more then likely you would get out early for good behaviour . But you loved only getting that and being done for the internet side of things and not the sexual physical abuse you gave the girls in the schools!!!!
Over ten years of downloading and abusing children and you get 32months!!!
Over 16,000 found on your computer! 261 girls online for 12-15year old!
You will never know the emotional and physical pain you gave me and the other children never!!!
Here some questions I would want you to answer just for my own peace.
Questions:
Define questions well to me its want I want to ask Mr X well he goes my questions
Why are you like this?
Why do you do it?
What goes though your head when you do it?
What do you feel afterwards?
What happens when you see children?
What do you think when you are near children?
Did you ever think you would have got caught?
Now what do you think?
What now do you feel?
Why did you do it to me?
Why did you start?
Did you ever think of you wife and family would be affected?
How many years have you don’t this sort of thing for?
what do you think about each day in custody?
There are so many different questions to ask him but I don’t want to and can’t write them all down now but I can tell you they nearly all begin with what questions would hopefully help me get over what happen and whys. Asking him and hopefully tell me it wasn’t my fault what happen and that I can’t blame myself no more…
Amy
Click here to see words linked to MR X
*I had to change name due to the law.