You've Done Nothing Wrong

THE LANTERN PROJECT

Sexual abuse is one of three types of child abuse. there is emotional abuse,phyiscal abuse,neglact and child abuse, there are all danagerous towards the chidlren there all leave great impact on the WHOLE life of that child.

Sexual abuse dosesn't always start staraight away, the peretrator (abuser) starts a proscess called 'grooming' this entraps the chid over period of the time into a sercet relationship this may be designed for one thing -'sexual gratification of the perpetrator '

The process starts with delevopment of the 'friendships' which then works towards becaming a sexualised.when the perpetator (abuser) feels that the victim is sufficiently groomed, he/she will to begin to introduce the victim to sexual matrial such as pornographic magazines,films, this leads to increased display of affection and touching, as time goes on the sexual nature becomes more openly, involving looking at the child's sexual organs and the perpetrator's (abuser)sexual organs.

Sexual contact will them follow this.This will inlcude touching (by hand), kissing sucking the child's sexual genitals, also placing objects against or into the child's genitals and finally, vaginal or anal intercourse. the child is usually persuaded to do the saem thing back to the perpetrator, with the exception of intercourse, which can only happen if the child is male and olds enough to have an erection.

Once the sexual activity has begun, subtle (slight) or even not so subtle (not so slight) demands for the secrecy increases, underpinned by implied or direct threats. The perpetrator (abuser) will tell the child that they may be harmed if they say ANYTHING to anyone. They will be told that, either a member of family or pet may be harmed. They may also be told that they will be taken away from their famiy if they EVER tell. Finally, they will be told because they too took part in the 'secret', they will be hold responsible, and great punishment will follow this. It is the last piece of the process that locks the child into the secrecy through guilt. It is probably the most destructive part of the process in terms of the lasting psychological damage it cause.

Once the abusive reletionship has reached this point, the child has became completley trapped in by the perpetrator (abuser), both physically and mental, they will become more overwhelmed by the feeling of emotional confusion. As these feelings develop, the child will start to display a difference in its normal behaviour. Due because on one hand the child's mind wants to avoid the distress caused by the emotional confusion, but on the other hand, the child is unable to tell anyone about the abuse,either through fear of being harmed or blamed or both. Consequently, the child will begin to act out their distress which will show itself in a number of ways such as a marked decline in school performance, increasing bad behaviour and truancy. The child may also complain frequently of headache and stomaches. This mayb be followed by the onset of psychological problems such as eating disorders,depression, anxiety and attention deficit disorder.

This impact and consequences of the abuse can be measured in two parts. The first is the impact on the child at the, which takes the form of a gradual decline in the psychosocial functioning of the child. As the child grows up, they will experience difficulties in developing interpersonal relationships, often leading to either a compulsive sexual addiction. In some cases, both behaviours can be displayed.

As the individual becomes an adult, they will begin to suffer from a range of complex and damaging psychological problems such as depression,anxiety,obessive-compulsive disorders and personality disorders, any one of the which, depending on the degree of severity, can results in a major problems with relationships, and make tasks such as parenting and going to work almost impossible. Once it starts, the deterioration in physical and mental health will continue until the individual finally suffers from some from of truamatic breakdown, often diagnosed as post-truamatic stress disorder, and usually accompanied by a depressive illness. Unless treated, this degree of mental decline can lead to the individul taking their own life, as they perceive suicide to be the only way of escape from the torment and confusion they feel.

However, as dark and as awful as the problems may seem at the time, victims of child sexual abuse can recover, regardless of their age, and go on to live happy and fulfilled lives. The recovery process begins when the victim finally discloses what happened to them. From then on, with the support of counselling from a trained professional, they will be able to re-build their lives, reclaiming their lost childhood in the process and discharging themselves from the burden of guilt, shame and self-loathing that will have inevitably been a major part of their lives up to that point.

Facts and Myths about child abuse.

How sexual abuse affects women:

(This from a women who was abused by her father from the age of seven, until he died, she then became a counsellor, she now has been helping many abused women, so this is what she had to say)

childhood sexual abuse affects women in many different ways, all of which are harmful, most can have a life-long impact unless some form of healing process is employed. Women who have been abused ofthen suffer from negative self-image. We can struggle to see ourselves as we really are. We can be afraid to see ourselves as being attractive, feminine and healthily, sexual attractive. This can cause us problems in accepting ourselves as the women we really are.We may reject our femininity, so we try to avid it by gaining or losng weight so we are not seen by others as we really are. Abuse can also cause us to see our womenhood and our sexuality as the most important thing about us, and because of this we tend to use it as the way to relate to mean.

We become very confused about love and relationships. This is because the sexual abuse we suffered often occurs within a loving, known relationship such as within a family. It is not surprising then we find becoming involved in close, emotional and satisfying relationhips very difficult, scary and frightening as we the level of mistrust we feel usaully leads to the fear of being hurt again.

Sexual arousal, which is natually felt as your body responds to stimualtio when you are being abused, is incredibly, hard to understand and come to terms with leading to the link in out minds that the feelings we experience in sexual arousal are something bad. The damage this does is very severe as it colours any future sexual arousal we may experience, especially in a healthy, loving relationships. Such confusion creates huge conflicts is meant to create. We are effectively robbed of the most powerful, natural emotions the human body was designed to experience, causing us to reject out own bodies and find ways to avoid natural sexual feelings, most commonly by blocking out the feelings during sexual contact.

Such disassociation between out brain and our body inevitably leads to us treating out bodies in dangerous and harmful ways, often through sex addictions,which is where we use sex to 'punish' others for the problems we have suffered, or we simply crave sexual contact, but we avoid at all costz linking it with loving relationshipd; frequent, casual sex and 'selling' our bodes fro sex being common factors with abused women.

We learn to link pleasure with pain and fear with hope.We grow up trusting no oe and nothing, not even oursleves. We fear men in general, especially dominant men and men in postions of authority. We see all such men as likey 'abusers', which is hardly sursprising because all sexual abuse, whatever form it takes, involves betrayal. I t is this betrayal that eats away at the subconscious, creating very strong reactions within us to anything that threatens us or cuases us difficulty, which is the primary factors that lead so many women who have been abused into offending behaviour and harmful, addictive lifestyles.

The Myths about Female victims of sexual abuse:

1) Sexual abused children will grow to abuse their own children or other children.

The facts do not support this at all. True, some people who abuse children were themselves abused as children, but NOT all victims of child abuse becomes absuers. Current studies among convicted male sexual offenders indicate that only one-in-eight were sexually abused as children themselves- that means seven-out-eight were NOT!

2) We were sexually abused because we were 'sexually attractive'.

Young children are not sexually attractive. It is a disorder view of the child within the abuser which leads thems to develop a perverted sexual attractions to them. Even if the child is of the age where they have begun to become sexual mature,it is still the abuser distored and wrong view of the child's immature, vulnerable developing sexuality that is at fault, not the child.

3) We were sexual abused because we acted in a way that aroused our abusers-therefore it must have been our fault.

We were children-they were adults. It is always the adults who has responisbility for the well-being of children they are with, regardless of the

situation. It is always the fault of an adult who abuses a child.

Myths about sexual abuse of males:

1) Boys and Men can't be victims.

This myth has been created through masculine gender socialisation. Often refferred to as the 'Macho image,' it delcares that males, even young boys, are not supposed to be victims or even vulnerable. We learn very early in life that males should be able to protect themselves. The reality is that boys are children- weaker and more vulnerable than thier perpertrators (abuser)- who canno really fight back. Why? Because the perpetrator always had greater size, strength, and knowledge. This power is always exercised from a postion of authority, using money or other bribes, or threats of trouble to come or even violence. The perpetrator (abuser) will use whatever advantage they can to use a child for sexual purpose.

2) If a boy experiences sexual arousal or ograsm during abuse this means he was a willing perticipant or enjoyed it.

In reality, males can get an erection even in traumatic or painful sexual situations. Therapists who work with sexual offenders know that one way a perpetrator can maintain secrecy is to label the child's sexual response as an indication of his willingness to participate. They'll say some thing like: ' You liked it; you wanted it.' Many survivours feel gulit and shame because they exprienced physical arousal while being abused, but physical (and vicual or auditory) stimulation is likely to happen in a sexual situation. It does not mean that the child wanted the experience or understood what it meant at the time.

3) Boys are less traumatised by the abuse experience than girls.

While some studies have found males to be less negatively affected, more studies show that long-term effects are quite damaging for either sex. Males may be more damaged by society's refusal or reluctance to accpet their victimisation, and by their resultant belief that they must 'tough it out' in silence.

4) Boys abused by males are or will become homosexual.

While there are different theories about how the sexual orientation develops, expert in the human sexuality field do not believe that premature sexual experiences play a significant role in late adolescent or adult sexual or adult sexual orientation. It is unlikely that someone can make another person a homosexual or heterosexual. Sexual orientation is complex issue and there is no single answer or theory that expalins why someone identifies himself as homosexual, heterosexual or bi-sexual. whether perpetrator by older males or females, boys' or girls' premature sexual experiences are damaging in many ways, including confusion about one's sexual identity and orienation.

Many boys who have been abused by males feel mistakenly believe thath something about them sexually attracts males, and that this may mean they are homosexual or effeminate. Again, not true.Paedophiles who are attracted to boys will admit that the lack of body hair and adults sexual features turns them on. The paedophile's inability to develop and maintain a healthy adult sexual relationship is the problem- not the physical features of sexually immature boy.

5) If the perpetrator is female, the boy or adolescent should consider himself fortunate to have intiated into hetersexual activity.

In reality. permature or coecred sex, whether by a mother,aunt,older sister, baby-sitter or other female in a postion of power over a boy,causes confusion at best, and rage, depression or other problems in more negative circumstances. To be used as a sexual object by a more powerful person, male or female, is always abusive and often damaging.

Some of this information has kindly been given to the public by The Lantern Project, You can get the full survival guide for victims of childhood sexual abuse, by visiting the website: